Unniyarcha hadn’t seen Neeli all morning, and she was getting worried. Neeli did not show up for the puja to appease the paradevata at the kalari, nor for the subsequent Urumi practice for the day, before moving on to their regular duties. As the self-appointed guru of Neeli, Unniyarcha did not like the fact that her student was slacking off already. Kalaripayattu was nothing without inherent self-discipline, for god’s sake! How was Neeli going to master the countless weapons if she couldn’t master herself?
Damn, it wasn’t as if Unniyarcha didn’t know how much Neeli was hurting after the death of her father, her sole support system. Unniyarcha knew grief and betrayal all too well- her own brother Aromal (who had killed Neeli’s father Aringodar in ankam) was betrayed and murdered by her cousin Chandu. Unniyarcha saw Chandu for what he was- an honorless, spineless traitor- and she was determined to keep him away from Neeli. But first, Neeli had to become independent and self-reliant, and Unniyarcha planned to turn Neeli into a warrior worthy of the Chekavar clan. True, it might be a man’s world out there- but Chekavar women were no lesser than any man.
Heaving a sigh, Unniyarcha set off to find the feisty one. Neeli had lived a very sheltered life until then under Aringodar, and would have continued to do so had she wed Aromal as planned earlier. But the paradevata must have seen Chandu’s treacherous thoughts- he defiled the most sacred rules of kalaripayattu after all-and punished everyone associated with him by making their lives a living hell. True, Chandu might have been labelled a traitor and the panas were already composing ballads to record his treachery for posterity, but in the end, Neeli and Unniyarcha had suffered the most, losing their loved ones to the male ego.
Lost in thought, Unniyarcha did not notice she had reached Neeli’s quarters. The dwarapalakas became flustered in her presence. They had orders from Neeli not to let anyone in. But one withering look in their direction, and the door opened. Unniyarcha entered and looked around in confusion. Where were the daasis at this time of the day? The rooms weren’t cleaned and Neeli- where was Neeli?
Unniyarcha opened the doors to the chambers, and in the last one, she could see Neeli on the bed. She got annoyed- just when she thought she had made some progress with getting Neeli to study Kalaripayattu, she was already slacking off? Unniyarcha quickly moved to the bed and shook Neeli gently to wake her up. But something felt really off. Neeli’s pale skin was flushed and blotchy, and her body was burning up. Unniyarcha understood what was happening- Neeli was coming down with a fever, which was understandable considering the way her body was just adapting to the nuances and discipline of kalaripyattu. “Neeli?”, Unniyarcha called out gently. Neeli opened one bleary eye and looked at Unniyarcha. “What happened?”, Neeli asked in a hoarse voice. Unniyarcha did not know whether to smile fondly or give this girl a good shake. “You are sick, that’s what happened. When will you learn to take care of yourself?”. Unniyarcha knew she was being harsh on a sick person, but she couldn’t help it. She wanted Neeli to be prepared for the cold, harsh world. Neeli wrapped her clammy hand around Unniyarcha’s soft ones. “You will be there to care for me right? Always?”. Neeli’s grip tightened as Unniyarcha stalled for an answer.
She hoped she wouldn’t have to address this problem right now. Neeli was a child at her seventeen Onams compared to Unniyarcha’s twenty-five. She was a widow with a child. There were a million other reasons why this was unacceptable.
Neeli knew she could not move Unniyarcha’s heart even with her sickness. Unniyarcha made to get up once more and Neeli let her go. “I’ll be back with some kanji. Rest till then”. Neeli smiled quietly to herself. This was actually some progress, usually, the ever stoic Unniyarcha was not was prone to harsh words but Neeli knew that beneath that soft exterior, lay a vulnerable woman she adored. Opening up and trusting another person was so difficult for Neeli after her father’s death. And Unniyarcha was kin to her the murderer of her father. But she knew both of them were pawns in a game where everyone other than them had a say. Aringodar had raised Neeli with the highest of morals, she was always taught to hate the sin but not the sinner. From a young age, she was always clear about what she wanted, and this always made her nannies give her a lecture- women were not supposed to have opinions, they said. That was one reason she loved Unniyarcha and wanted whatever was there between them to continue. What exactly was there between them? It had started on a rainy night not long after Aaringodar and Aromal’s death: Neeli was having another nightmare about Aringodar lying headless, in a pool of his own blood and had woken up screaming. She was never more thankful for the day Unniyarcha had stayed back for a bit on her own accord, seeing Neeli had no other relatives to rely on. Neeli thinks back to their early days ruefully. She had hated Unniyarcha. Her brother had murdered, murdered her father and now she wanted to stay back? Neeli did not need anyone’s pity or sympathy. Her father had raised her better than that.
The first few days were the hardest. Neeli had no appetite, and she could barely keep food down. Images of her father’s body kept haunting her. She refused to see anyone. Her father’s disciples had come from all parts of Kerala to offer their condolences. But she did not care for them. Some men had struck while the iron was hot and sought her hand her in marriage. Neeli was appalled- her father’s mourning period wasn’t even over. Unniyarcha kept all those people at bay though Neeli never openly admitted to how thankful she was for her presence. She continued to resist her help and threw many tantrums while Unniyarcha… just let her, without complaining once. Unniyarcha sent her entourage back to her family residence and stayed for a bit. Her initial plan was to leave after a few days, but it’s been nearly two months.
Neeli still remembers that day clearly, the day she let Unniyarcha into the boundaries of her heart. After she woke up screaming from the nightmare, she remembers a pair of arms encasing her. She felt safe away from the lustful eyes of men and the horrors of the night. That brought about another wave of racking sobs and she clutched the body holding her tighter. It was only later when her sobs subsided, did she realise she was holding on to Unniyarcha. Suddenly, Neeli could not meet her eyes and tried to push her away.
“It becomes easier, you know. Especially after you let it all out”. Neeli was thrown off track for a second before realising what she meant. “What about you, then?” Neeli thought she should elaborate to clarify, but Unniyarcha spoke up. “I… had people around me, you know? When my husband passed away, I had my family around me and though they were more worried about me becoming a widow with a son, they helped me anchor myself to reality. And my son needed me”. Neeli looked at the woman before her in the glow of the vilakku in the room. Had Unniyarcha ever cried like this? How many people had she lost?
“If you are better, I’ll go back to my own quarters”, Unniyarcha said as she began rising from the bed. Neeli did not want to sleep alone that night, so she decided on something quickly. “Can you…stay with me? Please?”. Unniyarcha said nothing and left the room. Left alone, Neeli realised her behaviour these past days had pushed away the one person who had shown some care for her, and she was ashamed. Suddenly, the door walked in, and Unniyarcha strode in with a paaya tucked under her arms. “What happened? Did you change your mind? I can always go back if you-”. “NO”, she said, “no”, she stated more firmly. “Stay. Please”.
And stay, she did. Both of them couldn’t sleep that night. Neeli lay on the bed waiting for sleep to claim her once again while Unniyarcha thought about things. They can’t remember who started talking first, but once they started, they couldn’t stop. Both of them were suffering from the loss of their loved ones and talking about them somehow helped them to come to terms with moving on. Unniyarcha realised this girl had no one to look after her, so she took a chance. “Hey… so, I was thinking, I’ll stay here for a bit longer because it feels very unsafe to leave you here alone. Do you have any objections? Neeli was silent for so long that Unniyarcha thought the girl might have fallen asleep already. Unniyarcha was just about to drop the matter and go to sleep when Neeli spoke up. “Yes, please stay. Actually, after today it feels like it would be helpful to have another person who understands me, close to me. At least until things go back to normal”. She paused, before voicing the other thing that had been on her mind for a while. “I want to become a proper Chekavar, can you do that”? “You mean you want to learn Kalaripayattu? Didn’t your father already teach you that”?
“No, I wasn’t really interested until now… you know how kids assume their parents are always going to be around? I was like that, until one day, I’m all alone. At least I can protect myself with Kalaripayattu”. Unniyarcha understood that feelig all too well. If there was one thing that did not differentiate between man and woman, it was this martial art and she loved t for its simplicity and elegance. And the discipline that came with it.
It soon became apparent that Neeli and Unniyarcha were on two different poles when it came to discipline: Neeli did not have an ounce of it. Unniyarcha realised she had her work cut out for her if she was to make her a proper Chekavar. Nevertheless, after that day, their dynamics changed. Neeli became more obedient and willing to learn, and Unniyarcha was happy seeing the girl return to her prior self slowly.
*
Unniyarcha came back with kanji for Neeli and found the girl was fast asleep. She gently woke her up and sat her against the headrest. Neeli woke up and smiled. Unniyarcha was very caring, though she didn’t always show it. Neeli wanted to try something.”Can you feed me?” Unniyarcha stared, dumbfounded, before coughing slightlly and extending the jackfruit-leaf spoon filled with kanji. She even remembered to blow slightly on it, and Neeli fell harder for this woman, society be damned. The food tasted different somehow and Neeli raised her brows quizzically at Unniyarcha. “It has a herb mix to strengthen your body and help it heal faster. All kalari practitioners know this, I’ll teach you soon.” “Wow, I actually know a bit from my father, he made me help him a couple of times”. Unniyarcha smiled to herself. The kid wasn’t totally helpless, after all. She could improve, but with loads and loads of practice.
“Unniyarcha?” Neeli called out tentatively. Dang it, Neeli was nothing if not persistent, Unniyarcha could see exactly where this was going but she chose to let the girl speak. “Have you… did you think about what I said earlier? About the fact that I like you, and not as a long lost sister-in-law?”
Unniyarcha sighed and tried the tactics of evasion,” you need rest, Neeli. Once you have some food, I’ll grind some herbal paste to cool your body. How does that sound?”
Neeli was not having it. “Please don’t treat me as a child, Unniyarcha, you know I hate that. I know I am sick, but I’m not dying. It doesn’t sit right with me when we are just dancing sound each other. So I’ll say this again, I like you. A lot. I know it is not acceptable, but this is who I am. Are you at least willing to give us a chance?”
Unniyarcha stared at Neeli for a long, hard moment. Neeli was young and beautiful, with a strongly ingrained sense of right and wrong that was yet untouched by the harshness of the world. She was devastatingly innocent and it hurt to look at that kind of childish innocence. Though Neeli might not believe it, Unniyarcha thought Neeli was an exceptionally strong person. She had been strong enough to face her demons and come to terms with them at such a young age. Truth was, Unniyarcha didn’t consider herself worthy of Neeli’s unadulterated love for her. The men who had tried to court her- Kunjiraman and Chandu and the hundred other nameless men only saw her for her skills in the kalari and something to possess. Here was a person who saw her worth, for who she was. Truth was, Unniyarcha thought it was too good to be true. She had spent her entire life trying to prove her worth in a male-dominated world, and here was a person who saw her for what she really was.
Unniyarcha also had a lot of baggage from her past relationships: her marriage to her husband was more of an alliance and even Chandu had exposed his true color as a traitor and murderer. But she had to be rational, she couldn’t give in to whims easily, even if it brought her happiness. And Unniyarcha knew, even though they had to hide their relationship from the rest of the world, she would be happy to have the love of this one person. To be loved and cherished, that’s all she ever wanted.
And so she decides to choose herself, for once. She sets the kanji aside and takes hold of Neeli’s face in her hands. She’s still looking at Unniyarcha for an answer, and instead of a verbal one, she presses her lips onto Neeli’s feverish forehead. “There. Do you have your answer now?” Unniyarcha decides to be a bit cocky because she can do it now. Neeli all but tackles Unniyarcha into a hug, knocking the wind out of her.
Unniyarcha hugged her back and smiled into her hair. “Don’t think I’ll go easy on you, you will have to work extra harder, you get me?” Neeli, too giddy to think of the implications this would have on her sleep cycle, agreed immediately. “Also, can you continue feeding me? I’m feeling kinda hungry” Neeli giggled. Kurumbi, Unniyarcha thought wryly.
Days passed by, Neeli got better quickly and got back to her training sessions. The two bickered over Neeli not waking up but otherwise, things were great between them. Much to Unniyarcha’s embarrassment, it was often Neeli who took ‘initiative’. Neeli was the one that dragged Unniyarcha to her bed on a warm rainy day saying they shouldn’t be sleeping separately.
Amidst this small bubble of happiness, Unniyarcha often thought about the outside world. Her son, who she was going to name Aromal after her brother. And strangely, about Chandu. The Chekavar blood running through her veins would not let her rest until she avenged the death of her brother, no matter how long it took. She was worried about ruining things with Neeli, the girl had already been through so much.
She decided to bring this up with Neeli, instead of straight out leaving without notice. She was sure they could work something out. They were on the bed one afternoon, limbs entangled and Unniyarcha’s face buried in the crook of Neeli’s neck. “Neeli?” Unniyarcha mumbled. She hated what she was about to do. “Yes? Neeli asked, sleepy. “I think its time I went back”. “Already?”
Unniyarcha sighed. “I have stayed here long enough and you are already doing great with Kalari. I have no other reason to stay here without attracting the talks of the community. Plus you know custom demands that I avenge my brother by killing Chandu.”
Neeli had already thought about all this, being the precocious girl that she was. And she had already formulated a (what she hoped was) foolproof plan. ‘’ well, I have decided to accept you as my guru from now on, so that means I’ll join your kalari and live on campus. How does that sound?”. Unniyarcha was left dumbstruck. She thought Neeli might want to continue in the tharavadu, her father’s family home and asked as much. “Not really. Even before my father’s passing this estate had fallen to ruin because of his gambling and drinking addiction. I’ll just sell it and buy a smaller property elsewhere.” “Aren’t you going to miss this place?” Unniyarcha wanted to know.
“I probably will, but it will be difficult to continue living alone here, especially after witnessing my father’s death. Actually I had been wanting to open a kalari in my father’s name as homage to him”.
Unniyarcha thought about what Neeli just said. This could actually work in favor for them and the ballad singers would sing about the unity between the families though there wasn’t a marriage between them. Aringodar and Aromal’s names would be remembered, and Unniyarcha would have a whole army of disciples alongside her son to avenge his uncle. She took Neeli’s hand n hers and smiled warmly. “What would I have done without you, huh?”
Nearly two weeks after that conversation, Neeli found herself in front of Unniyarcha’s house. The nervousness was palatable, she would be seeing Unniyarcha’s baby. For the outside world, she was Unniyrcha’s disciple and a nanny to the baby, but they had promised each other they would raise her son together. One of the daasis got the baby outside to meet his mother and Neeli’s arms itched to hold the baby. Seing this , Unniyarcha handed the baby over to Neeli. The baby did not fuss and was quiet in Neeli’s arms and Unniyarcha took that as a sign from the paradevata accepting their relationship. She looked at the sight before her and realised something- family is not always made by blood or marriage. She was going to protect this bubble of happiness with all she could, and make sure her son grew up learning the right things in life from two very strong women.
Twenty years later
Unniyarcha stood in front of Neeli’s burial mound. It had been nearly five years since Neeli had passed away due to the severe cough that was going around and ever since then, Unniyarcha hadn’t missed a single day of coming here. She had always thought she would be the first to pass and would have been quite happy after living for so long with her family. She knew Neeli would have looked after Aromal as her own son and would have guided him on the path of revenge. She hated outliving the people she loved, she had seen too many deaths already. But paradevata had something else in store for her, she had to watch her loved ones move on to the immortal realm while she continued to live in pain. The great duel between Aromal and Chandu was the only thing that kept her going these days, after that she too was counting her days until she could meet Neeli again.
“You know, our son has gone to avenge us. We will know today, if justice was on our side or not,” Unniyarcha spoke to the grave as if Neeli was listening, like the countless days and nights they spent talking together. Suddenly, there was a commotion outside the compound and Unniyarcha smiled to herself with tears in her eyes. This could only mean one thing, Aromal was successful and Chandu was dead. She knew Aromal would know where to find her soon and would find her soon, so she spoke quickly. “Are you lonely by yourself? Don’t worry, I’ll come to you soon and I’ll bicker with you and hold you again. Just wait a bit longer, okay?”
“Amma”. One word and Unniyarcha knew their son was here to see them. She was happy he could see them together after successfully completing his mission. He paid his respects to the grave and turned to his mother. “I have brought you the traitor’s head with his blood still warm and have avenged my uncle”. Unniyarcha stared at the head on the silver platter and dipped her hands into the blood that had oozed out of it. She used it to tame her hair and tie it to a bun atop her head. She blessed her warrior son, he was a warrior worthy of the Chekavar title now.
Someone was saying something, but suddenly she heard her name being called out in a voice that she hadn’t heard for nearly five years. She turned sharply and saw Neeli. Her Neeli, just as she remembered her. Her glowing face and impish eyes. Unniyarcha stretched out her hand to touch that face but Neeli caught it and asked her, “Are you ready?” For what, Unniyarcha wanted to ask but her voice wasn’t working. Her face was streaming with tears and the outside world had gone on mute. “Lets go”, Neeli insisted. Alright, anywhere with you, Unniyarcha thought.
She started walking before realising that she hadn’t said anything to her son. She turned around, and saw that people had started wailing. And then she saw it. Her body was on the ground, and her son was clutching it close. So, this was death. Neeli tugged at her arms again and Unniyarcha looked at the radiant form. “You look really pretty too, you know that?” Neeli asked. Unniyarcha nodded because she did not trust her voice yet. “Does this mean we get to bicker for eternity?” Neeli asked and Unniyarcha nodded again. She had loved and lost in life, but in death at least her love had come to find her.
*
“So this is the text you will work on”, I tell my History, Memory and Narratives Class consisting of first-year post-graduate students. I see a call from my girlfriend and decide to leave the class early. They were nearly done anyway. “Hey babe, wassup?” I ask her on answering. “Did you just finish class on your favorite story on Unniyarcha and Neeli?” That’s sus. “How did you know? I ask her. “That’s pretty much your favourite story in the whole course”. I grin. She knows me too well. “You know, you missed a great opportunity to mess with your students”. “Where what which when why”, I rattle off in one breath, not caring my students can hear me. “You should have said we are the modern reincarnations of Unniyarcha and Neeli, y’know?”. I snort. My girlfriend has some interesting ideas. But this is something that I wonder often. What if we are? I am a historian, I shouldn’t be believing in these fantasies. Doesn’t make me love this story any less though.
“Ma’am”, a student calls me and I turn around.
*
“Damn, should I just make myself visible and give that guru a scare?” Neeli is still brash while Unniyarcha just smiles and shakes her head. “Come, we will see what else is there to do in this place”, Unniyarcha extends her hand to Neeli. “You would make a very good professor”, Neeli says. “I know you will be the student who does all the work last minute and then cries”, Unniyarcha counters. “Hey, you are supposed to say something nice about me too,” Neeli whines. Unniyarcha sighs. But she wouldn’t want it any other way